Hillbilly Crossfit


My good buddy Neal is pretty serious about his gym workouts, but there’s nothing like wrestling 350-pound fir rounds into position for splitting into “manageable” sized chunks. Even with the help of modern hydraulics. And especially when you have to follow that with loading, hauling and unloading the results. This is Neal deep into my exclusive FirewoodFit Workout Program. Ladies, he didn’t get those guns just from kettle bells and burpees.

Funny thing is, I showed up at the work site with my maul, sledge and wedges thinking I’d bust up the rounds by myself and start hauling it all back home. The trees were described as “pretty big” by my friend, Dale, who took them down. But that turned out to be quite the understatement. Or I underestimated his assessment powers, which is somewhat predictable, considering the last time someone called about a “decent-sized tree” down across their driveway, it turned out to be a three-inch sapling which I dragged into the bushes with one hand.

These were three enormous, old second-growth firs, with dense, tight-grained wood from growing in deep shade. No knots, either. Another result of the shade. Perfect. And better yet, I could drive right up to the pile of logs. Awesome. But  there was no way I could lift the rounds, and no way I could split ’em up with hand tools. So I ran up the hill, grabbed the hydraulics and went to work. When Neal showed up–reinforcements!–I was already beat. But with his help, we got through about half the pile. Next session to come after a four day recovery period. I am now accepting applications and deposits from the select few elite athletes who might qualify for this workout program. Might even offer a discount for this Friday’s class. Let me know if you want to sign up.


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